How I Love Thee, Indoor Treadmill

Top Ten Reasons why running on a treadmill is better than my trainer-friend says:

10) It’s warm.  Actually it’s a little too warm, which can be problematic, but…

9)   I can roll out of bed and onto the treadmill without having to put on 18 layers of moisture-wicking thermal insulation.  This saves both time and laundry.  Win-win!

8)   Springy pavement.  Is it my imagination, or is running on treadmills way easier on your shins?  I am also discovering that I tend to run more on my toes on a treadmill.  No idea why, or if it will last.

7)   Mirrors.  Okay, so this could be a blessing or a curse.  You’re probably supposed to do something constructive like look at your running form, but I prefer to make faces at myself and give thumbs up to all the other runners in the mirror, namely, me.

6)   Fancy gadgets, like heart monitors.  I haven’t actually used the fancy gadgets (I have such a high resting heart rate I’m afraid my running heart rate would probably set off an alarm), but just looking at them makes me feel high tech.

5)   Calorie counter.  Let’s me know how many extra Twinkies I should pack in my lunch.  I need to make a suggestion to the manufacturer, though, that it would be much more motivational to remove the numbers and simply announce things like, “Congratulations, you just earned yourself three slices of pizza and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s!  One more mile, and you also get a chocolate bar!”

4)   Digital timer.  Perfect for tracking my run-walk intervals.  Assuming I’m paying attention, which sometimes I do.

3)   Digital Pedometer.  Seriously, how can you not love the tick, tick, tick as the numbers go by?  And when I reach my distance, the stop button brings everything to an instantaneous halt.  Because really, why take one more step than you have to?

2)   Buttons. Oh, buttons!  Who could ever get bored on a treadmill with so many buttons to push?  My favorite is the speed control. Ha ha ha, look at me, I’m running 10 mph!  (Okay, so that actually didn’t happen, but the point is, it could.)  There’s also the incline button (I pushed that button once.  Won’t do that again.)  And all the fancy program buttons that I’m still too scared to touch because some of the pictograms next to them look like I might get ejected off the back of the treadmill.  If you hear a crash from the fitness center, you’ll know I pushed the wrong one.

1)   My trainer-friend said treadmills are not fun, and every once in a while I have this incontrovertible stubbornness that makes me see for myself just how bad… Wait a minute…  Was this a trick?

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to advice (Proverbs 12:15).